Dangerous Encounters

Around 5:15pm today I decided that instead of waiting to take the 8:00pm Yoga class I would quickly change, wait to see if I received any emails between 5:15 and 5:30 and then scoot out unnoticed around 5:40. Well it's 5:56pm and I am still at the office, just finished answering a slew of emails. Ugh.

If there was a class at college, solely dedicated to how to behave and operate in an office, I would have taken it. I could fully function and communicate with my boss and my colleagues but I did not, for the first months of work, understand how the fax machine worked nor could I remember the protocol for conference calls, international dialing and so on. (This is a bit of a gross overstatement, as I am quite the fast learner, and it only took a few weeks to get the basics under my belt. Furthermore, I have now become the go-to person for all of the "office" questions: where are the fax cover sheets, how to make color copies, whether or not we have salt in the kitchen, if someone came to work that day regardless even if they didn't work in my department, how to check voicemails, what button to push to transfer calls, what drop down menu allows you to adjust the reading pane on Outlook, where to find a piece of paper that someone had in their hand yesterday... among others.)

I am an honorary member of the IT team. I have two monitors on my desk. I will need thicker glasses.

This brings me to my next point, that I have time to kill before going to Yoga. So bring myself down from the awkward rush of energy that comes with trying to "rush" out of office I choose, today, to write about nature documentaries.

Dangerous Encounters

This topic comes from the replaying trailer of the upcoming movie, Strange Wilderness. Anything, or anyone, that makes a shark laugh like a goofy Santa Claus has my heart.

I can't say I wasn't surprised that the group had chosen to mock this genre of film - the people's infatuation with the series Planet Earth and the like has made it so obvious. Sunrise Earth is a show, which despite its name plays throughout the day on the HD channels, about the the sun, rising. Time is not elapsed.

Herpetologist Dr. Brady Barr circles the continents in his show Dangerous Encounters, airing on Thursdays at 8pm on the National Geographic Channel. I've caught the commercials, and I can't say I have watched the show. Nevertheless, away with classic and traditional observation, Dr. Barr outfits himself in the best form of camouflage. In a head to toe crocodile suit, Dr. Barr gets down and dirty on riverbanks to well, chill, with something which might have the strongest bite force on the planet.

I learned from my cousin, on Saturday, that there are over 3500 alligators living in a lake in Southern Florida. The lake is large - but 3500 alligators? I remember visiting the Everglades National Park when I was young, scanning the surface of the water with my eyes, looking for theirs or a scaly tale.

What really caught my attention on the National Geographic Channel that evening was the trailer for "Undercover Hippo" episode of the 4-part Dangerous Encounters series, in which he dons the leathery suit to frolic with fellow members of the hippo community and as we see to left here, elephants.

It has come to my attention, after doing a bit more research (too bad I don't have my Zoobooks anymore), that hippos kill more people than any other animal in Africa. And although this fact may be quite startling, I have seen a YouTube video of Jessica, who sleeps in a purple sleeping bag after taking a leisurely stroll through the house. It'd be safe to say she doesn't wipe off her feet after exiting the pond.

Croc-suit, sleeping hippo, overpopulated alligators, goofy sharks. I'm struck by the juxtaposition of fierce and docile. And the levels at which animals need to become anthropomorphic or humans bestial in order to understand one another.

A Quick Update

Marvin the Martian strikes back. This time with a pair of Vail sweatpants.

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I have completely abandoned ketchup as a condiment, and hopefully french fries along with it. Between last Friday and the Friday before that (between the 18th and 25th) I lost six pounds. Four of which were water weight, because on the 18th, I drank two nalgene bottles of water before stepping on the scale. To lose it, I went to Bikram Yoga.

For those of you who might not know, Bikram Yoga is a 90-minute class held in a room set to 105 degrees. It's hot. And really uncomfortable. As a beginner I have settled into a corner spot near the window, which appears to perspire as readily as the people in the room. The window is opened after the class has ended, and the cold air frothed into the room, spilling over the resting weary souls. Before leaving the instructor said the room looked like a graveyard. I did feel almost dead. Not quite, but almost. I'm headed back tomorrow.

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I had 18 visitors to my blog last week and I didn't even write anything! The NaNoBloMo is almost over. I've written well, 11 times. This isn't quite half. But hey, there is always February.

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Upcoming events (hopefully this doesn't remind people of an AIM profile)

Samuel Waxman Fashionably Charitable Fundraiser
Spice Girls Concert at the Nassau Colosseum

The Hamburglers

My office developed their own version of the Biggest Loser TV show, complete with teams and clever nicknames, vote-offs, and the grand prize of a week at a destination spa... airfare included. I'm part of the Hamburglers. Except McDonald's will be no part of it.

When making up nicknames for each other, I could only come up with something along the lines of "the girl who loves bacon and french fries almost as much as shoes... or maybe more than shoes".

The first weigh in starts tomorrow. After a hearty dinner of vegetable and chicken stir-fry and a second dinner of Stouffer's french bread pizza(s)... I'll plan my water rations for the morning hours. 1 nalgene bottle. As someone at the office said, "it's not cheating, it's cunning".

Last year's weight loss challenge resulted in a lost of 8 pounds by April. By December I had gained it all back... and a few-extra-pounds buffer to last me through the cold ones. Here's what helped:

bacon
carbs
french fries of any kind
real butter (is that a carb?)
mayonnaise
salt
creamy soups and salad dressings
chicken salad
gluten... yes beer
soda
Chinese combination platters
caffeine
bologna
midnight pizzas
and many processed foods which I have not mentioned...


My plan is to take the natural approach - follow the foods that work best for my blood type (the book was a fast read on the train home one weekend). And run, to train for the marathon - which if I'm lucky I'll win the lottery and make the event. Never thought I'd use win the lottery and marathon in the same sentence.

Tomorrow after 12pm... and a water detox.

Granduer

I am proud to say that (after studying my Google Analytics report for the past weeks web tracking statistics on dulciepie.blogspot.com) my blog has had ten unique visitors in one week!

Hopefully I will gather enough visitors to have 50 or maybe even a 100 unique visitors per day, but this will most likely be after, or maybe right before, I publish my first collection of personal essays. This is slated for somewhere between 2010 and 2012, depending on what interesting experiences I may have to write about.

Recent news? Aside from the fact that I have seen Marvin the Martian several times since the evening of limited clothing... a friend's boyfriend brought me flowers at work to apologize for his behavior to both me and my friend. What's better was the explanation (well actually the reaction) that I had to give when people asked who my secret admirer was.

Well in reality there isn't much to share... I've also thought of changing the title to my blog. My roommate suggested Count Blogula, but alas it is taken.

Any suggestions? I mean, ten visitors a week - perhaps I'll get a comment or two!

Would You Like Fries With That Ketchup?

This evening I was too tired to cook, enough so that I couldn't think of heating things up in the microwave either. We ordered from the Gold St. diner, which is always an event because they mix-up the order 100% of the time. Included with my omelet (which contained bacon and tomatoes instead of ham...peppers...and onions) was a side of fries which are, quite frankly, hard to mangle - well at least I'd hope so.

French fries are, in fact, one of my favorite food - aside from salt - which pairs quite nicely with the latter. Turns out, that many people fancy ketchup instead of (or in addition to) salt. I've recently noticed the sea salt shaker which I bought four months ago is almost empty. Remembering that I've asked friends to dig their salt supply out of cabinets and attic storage. Obviously, there is a degree of overuse - which is the reason why... today... I reached for the ketchup packet instead.

It's quite possible that I've only opted for ketchup over salt three or four times in 23 years. 2 of them were most likely because there was no salt available within miles, or in reach of the couch/table. Today I had ketchup and salt readily available... and like chocolate... I've had my fill for at least six months.

Thanks to About.com and the Culinary Sleuth I was able to learn a bit more about ketchup this evening:

• Kids eat 50 percent more ketchup than adults.
• 97% of American homes keep ketchup in their kitchen.
• Each person eats about 3 bottles a year.
• In 1992, ketchup sales were $723 million.
• As with wines, there are good and bad ketchup years depending on how sweet and flavorful the tomato harvest.
• The world's largest ketchup bottle is proudly displayed in Collinsville, Illinois. Built atop a water tower in 1949, it stands 170 feet tall.
• Fast food ketchup junkies may be interested in condiment packet museum collection of individualized ketchup packets.

(Untitled)

You will hear from me tomorrow morning...

that's all.

Marvin the Martian

I thought Marvin the Martian was trapped in Looney Toones TV or with Tai's sitting-in-a-classroom-bored-out-of-her-mind notebook drawings from the movie Clueless. But no, a pair of martian Marvin's live on my apartment building floor.

The past two nights, while returning to my apartment after taking the dog on her 9:30pm bathroom break, I find them in the hallway - halfway between the elevators and my apartment door. They only stand a few inches above the ground and are a bit fuzzier that I had remembered from early-childhood Saturday morning's but nonetheless, they were there.

These Marvin's of course are a pair of fluffy, snug bedroom slippers, and aside from the surprise of finding them in the hallway, they were not abandoned. They did not crawl out of the refuse room either. There is a man wearing them! Each time I have seen this man he is talking on his cell phone and each time I've seen this man he is wearing fewer and fewer articles of clothing!

The first time he was fully clothed. Today he lacked a shirt. Tomorrow our dog might be going out at 9:00pm, although it might be cutting it close.

Sunday Sleep

Sunday is supposed to be a day of rest, but that night is by far the worst night's sleep of the week. I know I'm anxious because of the work week ahead of me, but no matter what I toss and turn - my mind moseying about the daunting halls of Park Avenue South.

Last night I had a dream that I hadn't ordered stamps for an event invitation yet. I was sitting at my computer, trying to format the logo onto the little miniature space between the left side of the stamp and the $.41 marker. Wait, $.41? Our invitation is square, it surely weighs more than an ounce and worst of all it's being sent domestic and internationally!

It's 4:30AM and I've awoken, sweating in secure flannel sheets.

This dream parallels others about my teeth falling out (and having to serve hot dinner plates to 30 tables simultaneously) which I haven't had in several years. On the one hand I am happy that I no longer fantasize about my teeth breaking, crumbling or being pulled out of my mouth, but for some reason or another, I am not sure that having nightmares about stamps, staplers and spreadsheets is all that more assuring.

On Saturday I dreamt about a grey puppy that lived in my apartment with me. Sunday? Well, proof enough.

January 5, 2007

Five days into January - I forget to write on my blog. Only five days into the blog month challenge, I've slipped up.

And speaking of challenges, it seems to me that our society has placed significant responsibility into the hands of "the challenge", with which it has infiltrated into our television programming, educational systems, corporate offices and so on. Last spring I participated in my office's rendition of the Biggest Loser, a weight-loss challenge of our own accord which awarded people not only for the most pounds lost, but the percentage of their body-weight. I didn't win and couldn't remember their trophy, winning stats or their life "after the show."

A friend of mine wants to run the New York city marathon. To qualify he needs to run nine sponsored races - 5k, 10k or half marathon. I wasn't surprised when he said that I should do it to, and I wasn't surprised that I said I would try. A few months of training in the gym, then a few races a month. Who doesn't love a challenge?

Dance-Off

Where was I?

From the headphones came a monstrous sound, the quality of a pawn-shop boom box... and his legs were moving. Dancing, shaking, trembling to the beat, which slipped out into the thick air of the car through the crevices between ear and accessory.

The train lurched forward and made its stops, but the man didn't mind - nor did his music. The train passengers shuffled around his swiveling body, whose gyrations met the bass line with syncopated jerks.

Unfortunately my trips on the subway weren't as entertaining today. This morning an emergency brake incident caused a delay in trains, mine ended up at all of the local stations and at each there was no room for the dancing man and in fact, there was very little for me.

Tiny Dancer

Today I was fortunate enough to find something fabulous just only five minutes after stepping out of my apartment building. Settled in on the subway, resting lightly against the side railing of one of the benches, I began my usual routine of looking around.

This environment was different. There was so much noise! It came from an enourmous pair of headphones, titled backwards on the back of a head upon which sat a black suede hat with a feather on the side; the tall body of which was outfitted in a green and black checkered suit. A black leather briefcase slouched at his feet. One arm held a lenthgy jacket of a similiar fabric. The other stretched outward to the subway car's wall; the hand spread naturally on it's surface. Five feet back was where I stood; from there his nailbeds looked green.

From the headphone came a monstrous sound, the quality of a pawn-shop boom box...

Everyday Food

Two out of three meals that I have eaten today were take-out/delivery. The first one - which came from my personal-zip-lock-bag-full-of oatmeal. The second was soup and salad from a favorite deli. The third, chicken parm and spinach from Mangia.

In recent months I have acquired the affinity for cooking my own dinners, packing my lunches (whether they be leftovers, deli-sandwiches and fruit and vegetables). Instead of attending a party or joining the bar crowd on New Year's eve, I stayed in. To make butternut squash soup, fresh pasta and baked chicken. After sampling my own cooking, I am satisfied. Never too full.

Two out of three meals that I have eaten today have made my stomach hurt. My stomach has hurt for years. The hollow leg my Granddad used to tease me about has long since been filled, replaced with angry acids and gurgles that leave me often sleepless and cranky. Doctors, ultra-sounds, friends, family and x-rays can't decide what it is that irks me.

Tonight is shaping up to be one of those restless nights - when the osmosis of the bitter cold through glass windows urges me bundle up in covers and quiet the mind.

One Month, Two Month, Three Month, Four...

I will be writing on my blog everyday for the month of January. To risk sounding quite predictable and rather cliche, I have (obviously) announced these future efforts in this first posting of the new month - and year. It is my intention that this will continue in the months to come.

Starting anything after ten days away from the city - and from work - is seemingly difficult. Like most, who have taken the liberty of napping one or twice a day and sampling their favorite shoppes and flavors of home on vacation, I find tomorrow's day anxiously anticipated but accepted. It is likely that I will be tired from spending eight or nine hours back in the office, and it is likely that I will explore my fatigue in tomorrow evening's post.

I think that I have proclaimed predictability due to a growing insecurity that my month of writing will be just that. With only 17 prior posts to support this endeavor, it will take just over two weeks to surpass this creative sprawl of 2007 (and 2006).

Today my mother wished me a Happy New Year with Thoreau: If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.

Leaving predictability, I find a further assertion that what I have presented this past year has no sturdy foundation, and in many ways, I have felt this about my life - in it's entirety. Each component is represented, yet they don't seem to go quite right with one another... Perhaps I'll find the thought or two to settle a lofty crowd.

Bottom's up. Good morning 2008.